Looking Back To Go Forward

Several weeks ago, I was at the Mayo Clinic. One of the things I was required to do was attend a two day Pain Clinic. This is not something I wanted to do. I had to do it as a step to getting ready for surgery later on this year.

When I told my doctor that I felt like I had the coping skills the pain clinic would teach me, he explained that it was a requirement. Since the surgery will not fix my problem and will not take away all of the pain from my problem, the team of doctors on my case require the two day seminar. As my doctor put it, if nothing else, I had to attend it so we could check off that little box on the list of things I had to do to get ready.

So I went, with a not so good attitude. I absolutely hate being required to do something, and especially dislike doing something that seems like both a waste of time and money.
I know how to relax. I know how to breathe. I know how to talk to my family, how to tell them when I am and am not capable of doing something. I know how to exercise and eat right and do things in moderation. I don’t abuse narcotics, because I don’t take them. I’m not depressed. I’m not stressed.

I did learn, though. One of the most important things I learned is that I have come a long, long way in these almost six years. The things I know to do didn’t just come naturally. It came by trial and error and mistakes and what didn’t work and what, finally, did work.
It would have been nice if five years ago or so someone would have mentioned a seminar at the Pain Clinic. The other thing, the most important thing, I learned is that other people on the journey I am sometimes lose their way.

Other people in the seminar were stressed. They were depressed. Some severely. They were addicted to pain killers. They didn’t have the support of their family and friends. Some of those folks were desperate for help, and needed that help right now.

It reminded me of darker days, of days when the pain was all encompassing, when I could think of nothing and no one else. It reminded me of when I did take narcotics, and it reminded me of why I no longer do. It reminded me of the awesome family and friends I have, and that I absolutely could not do this without their help and support.

I looked into the sometimes frantic eyes of the other group members, and I saw my past. They looked at those of us who have managed to come a little further, and they saw their future. There is hope, there is help, and, amazingly enough, there was something to be learned.

I started out thinking I would learn nothing of value at the Pain Clinic. I was wrong. I learned the most valuable lesson of all. I learned to appreciate what my life is now, because I had forgotten what it had been.